NASA fakes science, as reported by Christopher Bookish of the Telegraph

Revealed.  NASA has faked pictures of the planet Pluto in an effort to conceal some bit of science or other that I know nothing about, can't be bothered to find out about and which I'm not really bothered about anyone were it not for the fact that it contradicts one of my deeply held ideological beliefs.  As an increasingly elderly white man, I am totally competent to give my readers my opinion on the NASA cover-up of the planet Pluto.

Amazingly, the conspiracy to cover up the true nature of the planet Pluto was let slip in a series of highly secret tweets by NASA scientist Alex Parker who is working on the ultra secret New Horizons probe that recently passed the planet Pluto, sending back images that contained no discernible detail.  Here is the raw image.

And here is the adjusted one:

It's amazing how much the image has been adjusted to make it fit in with the models of how the planet Pluto should look.  There is, obviously (so obvious I don't have to give any evidence, even if there was any but should you want to see how little there is, just search Little Jimmy Dellingpile Plutogate), a conspiracy to cover up the true nature of the planet Pluto, which was discovered by Walt Disney in 1930, and earn more grant money and Nobel Prizes for Pluto scientists.  Even our own "Professor" Brian Cox is in on the conspiracy.

TV physics geek "Professor" Brian Cox (this is the right one, isn't it?)

What the Pluto scientists want is to hide the fact that our reptilian overlords live on the planet Pluto and are working consciously with the false President Obama, David Cameron, the EU, the UN, Agenda 21, Agenda 22, Agendas 25 to 31 inclusive, the Pope (sorry, the Antichrist Francis) and the BBC. If you didn't vote for a slice of Dundee cake in May, it is still not too late to vote for Nigel Garage to get us out of the UEFA Cup and FIFA. I think he's on the X Factory or something.

In a statement tonight, Lord Lawson of Doubt said that his charitable educational organisation, the Planetary Image Monitoring Panel (PIMP), would be launching an investigation and are welcoming submissions that can confirm their uninformed speculations.  The panel will consist of Professor Sir Richard Tol (who will be searching the published literature to see if he can find any pictures that show the Planet Pluto that haven't actually been taken), Patrick Moore (though through a secretarial cock up gremlin, we appear to have booked the actor Patrick Mower rather than TV astronomer Patrick Moore, even though he died three years ago), and someone who runs a Pluto is a planet blog from a laptop in a flat in Leeds.

(Note to the editor of the Sunday Telegraph: is this enough words or do you think I should go on about asbestos, evolution or climate change again, even though I know even less about those things than I do about astronomy.  Not my fault, I didn't do science at school or at Cambridge.  I'm not even sure they did science then. I certainly don't do science now.  I know, if you need to fill up space, you could publish an unfunny cartoon by Tosh.  He's rather good at those, though not as good as Ronald Searle at drawing funny ones.)

Ronald Searle's impression of Tosh as a skoolboy